Monday, April 27, 2009

No. 31

Beer: Heineken
Date: April 26th, 2009

Place: Yankees v. Red Sox, Fenway Park, Boston, MA

Scene begins in Fenway Park. A coolish 62. Twilight. Faint smell of hickory smoke looms in the air.

Bleachers: filled with extras. All who responded positively to at least one of the following criteria:
Must have two beers. One in each hand. Due to the lack of cupholders, extra must hold the beers at all times. If ever out, extra must procure two more.
Inability to find seats. Extras must always be in the wrong seat. When confronted, extra must pull out ticket, realize that they are in the row directly behind the row they should be in. They must then confront people in front of them. Row one will be empty until the 6th inning, thereby allowing this subplot to play out roughly forty times.
Boston accent. Must be willing to use it when referring to the Yankees as Retahds.
Loud friend. If anyone gets angry at friend, extra can just say she’s had too much to drink. Although, no one is allowed to get angry at friend. Because she keeps berating Jeter, Teixeira and the entire Yankees franchise/fanbase.
Smattering of Yankees. Must have diamond stud earrings (m) or silver loops (w), unnaturally colored hair (black, w: blond, m), jean skirts. Prefer wine coolers to beer. Pool halls to pubs.

Enter hero. Holding two beers. Could be mistaken for an extra - don’t write him off just yet.

Enter Yankee’s fan. She is carrying a bag with a NY insignia on it. Black hair. Heavy mascara.

Whitsons, stage left. In observance.

Hero, looking at bag: Good. You brought your trash bag.
Yankee’s Fan: It’s heavy. Filled with all our championship rings.
Hero: So you collect antiques?

Hilarity ensues.

End scene.

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