Friday, May 15, 2009

No. 35


Beer: Tsingtao
Date: May 13th, 2009

Place: Kowloon, Saugus, MA


Marianna drove us.

We had dinner off Route 1 - the New England equivalent to Route 66 – at a Polynesian/Cantonese/Water Chestnut Asian lovechild that could have been a teepee if we were in New Mexico. Route 1 is famously bad and I’d only recently driven on it up to Maine, passing a 70ft cactus, putt-putt, a pirate ship, another Asian fortress masquerading as a restaurant, a Subway who’d saved the 50s roadside diner sign and put in their logo. I’m sure there was a castle at some point. What there was not; tact, restraint, median crossing.

Marianna drove because we just got a car. An automatic. And since she was driving, we went to find a place with a parking lot, a giant wood tiki statue, flaming entrees.

And now a tribute to the cars I’ve owned, in reverse chronology – and by default by price highest to lowest.

2003 Mazda Protégé

Procured on Monday with 26,000 miles.

2000 VW Golf

Purchased once I got my first real job. Which means I couldn’t afford it. Tis truly amazing how I managed a car payment while earning the same salary as a short order cook.

1994 Geo Tracker

Invincible. Never had to make one repair to it, except for replacing something on the wheels. Which was probably messed up the Thanksgiving that I got it stuck mudding before the Ole Miss / MSU game. It had no carpet, giant wheels, zero safety features, the radio was stolen in Atlanta (but it was broken and that dude got 0.16 for it at the pawn shop), I think it ran solely on the fusion of air and Teal and rattling seats.

1969 VW Type II

A bus. I bought it and didn’t know how to drive a stick so Daniel manned it back from Macon, Georgia as I kept asking how she drove. Correct answer: like a bus. Smelled heavily of gas fames except when overpowered by joints being smoked in it at the house. I enjoyed humoring the stoners. Was in mint condition until it broke and no one in North Mississippi could fix it and just the same because I didn’t have the money to fix it and I slept it in for a while and smelled like petrol. I sold it in its broken state to a man who drove up from Dallas and loaded it onto his trailer and drove off.

Epilogue: Seven hours later I get a call that the man’s truck broke down as he was towing the bus. He attempted to drive the broken bus to get help, and the engine seized up or caught fire or fell out and he was planning on suing. I never heard anything else from him.

1984 Toyota Camry

This is the car I had in high school. It had close to half a million miles on it (or maybe slightly over a million). I was hit in it while in high school by a man who had no insurance so I went to the junkyard (tetanus!) and walked around until I found a car that looked like mine and bought a door that didn’t match but it was on the passenger side so I never really saw it.

1982 Honda Accord

Crap car. Bought for $600. Loved for the 3 weeks it ran. Doors weighed 700 lbs each. Solid Detroit muscle.

No better place to savor a bad beer while thinking of bad cars and praying the VW I just sold ninety minutes before didn't explode into flames.

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